Entry 92: If I was Gone...
Before you get any ideas from this title, I am solely writing this as a self-evaluation, since I like to think to myself a lot. So don't worry.
First off, who am I? When I was little, I was a quiet child who kept to himself, and I am still that same person today. I enjoy observing the world before me and watching what others do. Some have told me that I "need" to get out more often and explore the world, but I'd rather sit back and watch others do that.
As a child, my vision went bad in fourth grade, and after I got glasses the first thing I remember seeing for the first time was the moon, which was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. To this day, I love to see things with my own eyes. I have difficulty imagining a description of a person, but I can mesmerize myself with the hidden wonders that lay before us that we often take for granted. Like the hairs on a fly, for example.
My friend asked me the other week if I found the "apple of my eye," and unfortunately not yet, I told him. When I dated in high school, my favorite thing was holding hands, because physical affection is my greatest sign of love that I can bestow, which is why I am often hesitant with hugging strangers at a church or whatnot. I blame my reserved/quiet nature for not being able to ask a person out, but at the same time I haven't seen anyone who I think is "not of this world." So who qualifies as the "apple" of my eye? Well, that would be cheating if I told you.
I also don't get emotion when it comes to "goodbyes" in movies or relations. The one time I have ever became emotion over a "goodbye" was after watching Tinker Bell and the Legend of the NeverBeast, which has some brilliant animation and was well put together for a "child's" movie.
If I had a clone of myself, what would I do? I would build something together. Divide and conquer. We have the same thoughts, so conversing would be futile, but our silence spent together means we could achieve great things. I often get stuck while trying to animate something, but a battle buddy would help alleviate that issue.
So what would happen if I was gone? If I left the state, severed all communications, went off to follow my dreams, alone? I'm sure my family would miss me the most. My brothers enjoy my presence and patience more than anything, and they find solace whenever they get to hang out in my room with me, talking about nothing and everything. The little friends that I have mean a lot to me, so in turn, I give them my all, so I know they would miss me as well.
At times I feel bad when I take refuge from others, because I mentally need some solitude to feel at peace, but then this poses the problem of ditching them. Why do I retract when others only want to pull me in for my company? I don't really know. So if I was gone, would I feel bad? Would I get emotional saying the final goodbye?
Food for thought.