Entry 74: Failure
The worst part about failing is not realizing you are failing to begin with. Having your confidence shatter is one of my worst pains, and even more so when you are inadvertently the cause of trouble.
Firstly, I am proud to work at my job at Goodwill, and I take pride in doing the best I can, but earlier this week I was reprimanded for "not carrying my weight." At first I was confused, but I was utterly shocked when I was told that there were multiple complaints about my performance trailing off.
I didn't know how my work performance could go any lower, because I usually offer my help to other departments, I take fewer breaks to work more, and I always try new methods to improve my efficiency so I can get more things accomplished in less amount of time. So when my supervisor questions me and asks why others are making complaints about me, I was demoralized. Just when I thought I was doing a great job, I was told I wasn't.
When I discussed the issue further with another supervisor, she pointed out that the main complaint was that I was creating more work for others and not doing my part (in terms of distributing clothes in the store). While this was partially true, yet not entirely my fault, I felt the need to defend myself. But I try to make a conscience effort not to make excuses, because I feel that excuses just attempt to alleviate oneself of responsibility.
After a difficult conversation, we came to agreement that I was ineffective in a certain portion of recovering clothes from the dressing rooms. Basically, instead of putting clothes away into the store directly, I was putting the clothes aside to be distributed later. This wasn't a big issue at first, mostly because I still got work done, but it turns out that my method was causing working for others.
So in conclusion, I was not introduced to the "better" method of putting clothes away. I'm not upset that the supervisor hadn't put aside time to teach me a better way to be efficient, but I'm upset at myself for not figuring out this method and causing an issue that was going on for two months.
During this whole ordeal, I have never felt so defeated, but in writing this entry I look back and reminisce my first Blog Entry, which is appropriately titled: Why Do We Fall?